Saturday, July 27, 2019

Beyond Meat Me at Del Taco Bro!

Testing! Testing! One...two...testing!

Hey, uh, is this thing on?

Dude, and fellow Homeskilleteers, it was made quite apparent that there was a big server kaboom or some internal bug that got in and kind of messed things up for us here. So we gon' try this again.

Del Taco now offers 'Beyond Meat' (aka, totally plant based "protein") tacos and burritos and since I kind of hate Del Taco I decided to give them a try.

Not because I hate myself, its because you, mercifully, wont buy these. Or maybe you will. Then after you read this we can compare notes.

You ready?

*deep breath*

Let's go!

The ingredient abbreviations almost spell something naughty

Okay. Here's the thing with me and Del Taco:

I am from California, where these things run rampant much like the Circle K's here in Tucson. Simply put, they are everywhere. And, its not like they are terrible, it's just...they're not very good. Del Taco is fine. It's there when you need it. But if it's near a local taqueria you then need to ask yourself: do I need it? Probably not. Go for the mom and pop taco shop and get you something a bit more authentic. But if you were like me and you're cruising on the lonely roads of some desert estate and the rumbles in yo tumbles begin to take warrant, and the option is a Del Taco then, yes. Go ahead my friend. Get you some Del Taco.

The last time I had Del Taco was several years ago, visiting my dads in Palm Springs, sometime before they both passed in 2014. The wife and I were just baffled as to how many there were in that area. Dumbfounded. So much in fact that we just pulled into one, ordered some glop and went for it. Actually in a Del Taco. That is always a bad idea. Sitting next to folks that think the food is actual "Mexican" fare in those hard plastic booth chairs watching the city traffic blur by can be quite the polarizing experience. If you want a soft glimpse into what depression is actually like then do that.

The wife straight hated the food. Called it pure garbage. For me I wasn't as bold in my opinion. It tasted like, well, Del Taco. A complete sibling of the Bell variety. But like the one who had to go to a special school because they don't excel widely enough in academics and got caught stealing erasers from a previous institution's teachers lounge.

That said I rolled up to the one here in Tucson, on Broadway and Euclid, and ordered me up three different options of their Beyond Meat treats: a regular ol' taco, the avocado taco and the 8 layer burrito. This time though I opted to take them home instead of sitting and taking pictures next to those customers that never ever seem to be stoked to be eating in a Del Taco. Deliberating in front of our cat Lil Poundcake seemed like a much less dire form of food journalism.

Here are the results!   

Oh we gonna taco 'bout it

In all honesty, the Beyond Meat taco tastes just like a taco. Well, a Del/Bell taco. The flavor and the consistency of the "beef" was kind of impressive. But then again the whole Beyond Meat product is a pretty solid one. I've had it  a few times before and was always okay with it. Not mind bending but...good.

This was a fast food taco. Nothing more to say about it. If you frequent or are at least familiar with the Del/Bell notion of a taco, then you'll get it. And if you're a veg/vegan who misses the crunch mess delight of childhood flavors then you are granted some familiar mercy.

It's that taco. Only now you can eat one.

On to the next!

Thats an avocado, not a Yoda turd

One thing I did like was that next to the drive thru window, Del Taco has a schedule of when their avocados arrive. That's kinda cool. For me, their shipment arrived the previous day so I was hopeful that my avocado taco would be relatively "fresh".

Here's the thing: most employees of DT did not graduate from the, or any, culinary institute. What I received was a taco with a big splorp of jammed in avo. Mind you, I love avocados (heck...I'm from CA!) but this was just one big brick of a scoop. So I did have to manage a bit and redistribute to get a taste of the green glory and not all in one go.

Remember that taco I mentioned earlier? The regular shmoe of the instant option chain food world? Yeah. Its just like that.

But with a big hunk of avocado rammed in it.

So I'll let you take it from there. Because I think you can figure it out.

*in my best Buzz Lightyear voice* "To infinity...and Beyond Meat!"

If you're down a Fleshlight, just use this

Now here is where the experiment went instantly south...and not of the border.

The 8 layer burrito was kinda gross. The Beyond Meat was barely visible and I really couldn't taste it among the swill mulch of sour cream, "house" red sauce (like you know, fast food "hot" sauce), cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, filmy beans and squishy guacamole. It was all just ill proportioned with a very heavy hand on the gloppy articles, such as the cream and sauce. This, for me anyway, did not go over to well. Sorry. But it was just a tasteless, drippy mess.

So there it is. I did this so you wont have to. If you dig on the Del then give it a go. But if you're not down to get down then just say no. The Bell is usually your better option in the face if such fare. But, honestly, this is Tucson and those aforementioned family run and done taquerias are everywhere here. So it seems silly to go out of your way to enter the LONE Del Taco here in the T-money.

Unless you're into that thing.

But if you read this blog and my other stuff, I'm going to assume that you're really not.

Although it is always fun to give sport for such nonsense.

And for that...I thank you.


Camera, Typing and I'm Fine, No Really...I Am
"Metal" Mark Whittaker
Trying This Again, 2019

Metal Influence:

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